Would You Take Me Home?
by ILoveMyGeeWay
Summary: I moan and pull him closer with shaking fingers. "Where have you been?" Gerard mumbles drunkenly into my neck.I stumble over my words as I try to force out, "I got caught up in a chemical moment."


**Warning:** This story contains alcohol usage to the extreme, drug use, and sexual content. Meaning it is totally rad and you should review. If ya don't then cats will claw out your eyes. =^-^=

Oh and this is from a song, Stella by All Time Love and features lines from Therapy and Break Your Little Heart :3

* * *

Sick. So sick. Sick of this life. Sick of the empty promises, the broken hearts, the black out binges. I feel like the next time that rancid alcohol touches my lips I will fall apart but he only seems to like me when I'm wasted.

I feel like my stomach drops to the floor as he enters the room. His eyes are hollow from the endless parties, yet through it his unmistakable beauty remains. Oh why? You only love me when I am wasted but I think I fell in love along and I'm so sick of falling to the bathroom floor.

He goes to the fridge, his sleeve gently brushing along my back as he passes, making me stiffen and my breathing stop. I glance at the clock flashing on the microwave that reads 10:00am as he pulls out another beer and pops the tab. My stomach lurches and bile rises up my esophagus as though I am going to be sick again.

I don't say anything because I just want him to be happy but he scares me when he drinks, especially this early. I feel he's spinning out of control and away from my loving grasp. I can't say anything, I just want him to be happy.

I stretch out and wince as my bones pop eerily. I am so sick of sleeping on the floor. This has got to stop, I'm ruining myself. How could he want me when I am broken? But he only loves me when I'm wasted. A cloudy memory comes back of him telling me, slurring to me, 'Frankie,' he giggled, 'You know, I really like you when you're drunk, it's so cute.' I'm not sure if this is just a dream or a real memory, it's too foggy and I am still a little buzzed.

"How was you night?" Gerard half moans, rubbing his head tiredly to ward of the inescapable headache from the hangover.

"Uh, I was hoping you could tell me," I wince at hearing my own voice, too loud. Gerard pushes his palms into his forehead and groans in pain. I grab a bottle of Tylenol and fall into the bench across from Gerard on the tour bus. Sliding the bottle to Gerard I speak again, quieter this time, "I don't remember a damn thing. I wish I knew if it was worth it."

I know it was. Even if I can't remember it I can still taste Gerard. I have come to know his taste very well, always deluded with drugs and alcohol but undeniably Gerard. We were living up to our band name, that was for sure. With a sigh I slump over in defeat. He only loves me when I'm wasted.

"Well, can't help ya there but you better be ready for tonight 'cos apparently there's gonna be a big shindig with the sound techs." He gave me a playful wink, painfully no suggestive. "Be ready," he reiterated and slid out of the booth. "Gonna go get some rest, too early for a hangover." With that he was gone and I was alone.

I took a couple of the Tylenol I passed to Gerard and broke down. Is this worth it?

-X-

It's 2:00am and I'm on my blackout binge again. I got carried away again but he only likes me when I'm wasted. I am stumbling around looking for Gerard, tripping over moving bodies gyrating to a song I can't make out.

Gerard ended up finding me and pinned me to the wall, attacking my neck. I moan and pull him closer with shaking fingers. "Where have you been?" Gerard mumbles drunkenly into my neck.

I stumble over my words as I try to force out, "I got caught up in a chemical moment." Gerard seems to understand and nods against my neck. I inhale his scent and deflate a little, more and more Gerard loses his scent and is replaced with the stench of alcohol. As fast as Gerard came at me he is gone and pulling me by the hand into an empty room.

Gerard pushes me in the direction of the bed and I fall down onto the mattress easily in my drunken haze. Gerard comes over me and gives me hard, sloppy kisses. I can't get enough of him and pull him closer as his tongue opens my willing mouth.

Sloppy hands tear my clothes away and I try to keep up at pulling his clothes away. There is no love in this, only lust and selfish pleasures. I fade in and out as he enters me and has his way. I remember a searing pain running up my spine, he didn't prepare me first.

Heavy breathing evening out, wet sticky substance on my stomach, and the lack of motions signifies we're done but I can't see anything but black an my body feels like it's been paralyzed. Another night, another score.

-X-

The loss of body heat and the sounds of Gerard getting dressed and leaving triggers in my mind but I still can't move or see. I slip once again into unconsciousness as everything fades away once more.

-X-

3:00pm and I'm on my feet but staggering. An uneasy feeling slips into my stomach. I realized for the first time that I'm in an empty hotel room. I stumble to the bathroom to relieve myself and clean up a little.

I exit the hotel and fall back against the closed door from the sudden attack to my eyes by the sun. Shielding my eyes from the ongoing attack I make my way down the stairs to the empty parking lot. I look around wearily but no cars and no tour bus magically appear.

I trail my hand against the external wall of the hotel for support as I make my way to the shabby check in/out office. The ring of the bell above the door sends blood pulsing through my head painfully. I approach the run down old man behind the counter and before I can say anything he answers my question.

"They left you. That boyfriend of yours left with some other guy last night after he was done with you." The words jumbled together and it took me a second to figure them out.

I mumble a quick, 'He only loves me when I'm wasted,' more to remind myself then anything and disregard the boyfriend remark with the pain tugging at my heart and gnawing at my insides.

"I'll call 'em up if you give me the number, you go sit down. You look like you're gonna fall over." I nodded and plopped down in the surprisingly comfy wicker chair. I recited Mikey's number to the only man and within five minutes he hung up with a sigh. He disappeared behind a door and reappeared with a bottle of water and some Advil.

"Does this happen a lot?" I can't help but blurt out the question, I stammer trying to fix the situation, "I mean, you seem so well prepared and all, thank you by the way, I'm sorry I'm such a bother."

The old man silenced me with a wave of his hand. "It's no problem. It's rather sad but this actually happens quite frequently. I'm sorry about your boy, I mean about him leavin' with that other fella. I wouldn't take me word on it but you seem like much more of a catch." The old man said in a way that you couldn't help but smile about it sadly.

"Yeah, well he's not my 'boy' as you say. He only loves ,e when I'm wasted," I couldn't look at the old guy, it was like telling my father. I couldn't stand to see the inevitable look of disappointment sketched across his features.

"This is why you do it to yourself?" I could almost feel him shaking his head sadly, "I don't know much about you but I can tell you are too good for that. You deserve someone who loves you when you're sober as well as drunk, not some horny bastard that will leave you for some punk kid who reeks of alcohol and drugs."

I should be hurting a lot more but the alcohol is still in effect so all my emotions are dulled down to bare minimal and replaced with a soothing numbness. "No offense old man but you don't know a damn thing about me and what I do and do not deserve." Somewhere, deep down, I chastised myself for speaking to this old guy whose helping me in such a way.

The old guy sighed and returned to his post behind the counter. "I might not know you kid, but I know that no one deserves that."

With that the conversation was over and I soon drifted off to sleep in that old wicker chair.

-X-

I woke up sometime later when the sun had already set to Mikey's cooing. I moaned and tried to roll over in that chair to go back to sleep but strong arms seized me and lifted me. I cracked an eye open to see Bob carrying me through the glass doors to the outside.

"I can walk," I mumbled out tiredly and Bob put me down slowly. I wobbled at first then made my way to the bus grumpily. I entered and was clapped on the back by Ray who was clearly happy to not be the one left behind for once.

I ignored them all and went straight to my bunk, adverting my eyes when I caught sight of Gerard and his 'punk kid' Bert locking lips in his bunk.

I letting my mind spill to black I slipped away.

-X-

He's a saint, he's a king, and I'm just another boy without a crown. It's 3am and once again I've hit the bottle only this time Gerard didn't come and find me, leaving me by myself with my own devices.

A pill is being swished around my mouth and I sway to the music, drink in hand. It feels like I'm walking for the first time on the dark side of the dance floor. Gerard was with _him_ and I can't control myself.

I drink and take whatever is given to me until I find my way to the floor of the bus. Even through the haze brought on by the drugs and alcohol the pain was evident. I try to drown it with more more more until it goes black and I am gone.

-X-

I don't know where I am, how I got here, or who is with me. I sit up and try to get my barring. One face jumps out to me and my emotions overwhelm me, tears spilling down my face and sobs rock my body.

Mikey appears over me and with a heavy tongue I call out to him, whispering for help, whispering to him, "Mikey, would you take me home? I fell in love by myself, he only loves me when I'm wasted." I sob and my vision blurs and becomes spotty as I hunch over, grabbing my chest to try and ward off the empty feeling.

I can't do this anymore…

I am so sick…

-X-

"I woke up alone and I had everything. I had pockets full of moments I wish I could change and closets full of time I can't remember. I need therapy. I think keeping this up could be dangerous. I'm a walking travesty…

"I'm an arrogant boy and this nightmare cuts like a blade. They tore me apart, he tore me apart, I let myself be torn apart. I feel like my lungs gave out some time ago and I've just been floating along. I have to love myself 'cos no one else will, but I don't. I can't.

"He only loves me when I am wasted," I spoke to Mikey, Bob, and Ray, spilling my guts to them. I had woken up with them over me, making sure I was okay. My heart jumped out of my chest at Gerard's absence but I guess it would be harder with him here.

"They're better off without me," I hung my head in defeat as I sat slouched over in the booth on the tour bus. Even with my eyes fixed on the table I saw the look they all shared. I sighed and laid my head on the table, facing the window and fixing my gaze on the stilled scenery. "four years, four goddamn years I spent drunk and high just so he would love me and now not even that is enough. I just wanna go back home and have it be as though nothing happened, like we never met. I just want this over."

"Frank," Mikey started but was at an obvious loss of words.

"No, I'm walking away. Who's laughing now?" If he doesn't want me then I'm gone. He has broken my heart and has been laughing all the way to the hospital because there's nothing surgery can do. Now I'll sew myself shut and show myself the door.

-X-

Three months. Three whole months and the pain hasn't dulled at all. The rest of the tour was called off and we all returned to Jersey. I'm not sure what happened to them since then, I cut all ties with them but I've heard of the parties and the boys that Gerard has been claiming.

Three months and not a damn thing to show for it accept the only way to relieve the pain is gone. Clean and sober is not worth it, I want to forget this pain. With a sigh I opened the door to have to persistent person stop banging on it.

My heart leapt in my throat and throbbed painfully. It took everything for me to not fall to the ground and break down right then and there. In my door stood Gerard, looking more defeated then I'd ever seen.

"Frank, will you take me home?" His hoarse voice washed over me and I closed the door behind him as he fell into me, wrapping his arms around me. With that gesture I was finally at ease and the pain faded and rose again to a booming exuberance. Gerard tightened his grip on my and tears slipped down my cheeks.

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OHEMGEETHISISANUPDATE  
:O  
So ya better review so I feel inclined to steal my mothers laptop more and update more ^-^  
Now I needa update love bites so reviews will motivate meh :D


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